When did you start to consider yourself an artist?

I don’t know if you could really call me an artist really. I don't know if that's the right term. I do yes paint, draw and make movies but I think there is something else in being an artist I think I need to devote myself more. Inevitably I think I am an artist but I feel right now that there is something more I have to do to call myself that I think more than anything though that I am a writer. I say this because all of the paintings I make are heavily symbolized as well as romanticized, analyzed, and quite honestly jumbled diary entries. I would also say this because I think I never really create a scene which I think a lot of paintings are in my mind but I think things are like stories within the work I make. Naturally this is my un-objective view. Strangely though I always go in trying to make a scene but because I think I have so much to put onto a canvas I inevitably make something I think of sort of as a story. Also, unintentionally I use a writing style which was described in the book Slaughterhouse Five as, “There isn't any particular relationship between all the messages, except that the author has chosen them carefully, so that, when seen all at once, they produce an image of life that is beautiful and surprising and deep” (Kurt Vonguet). To me more or less this is my description of my own work.

What are some themes found throughout your work? 

I always go into a painting in the beginning with some sort of an idea or action or motive I want to do. These can be very insane though such as on one of my works I wanted to mix spot fix or it could have been some kind of quick dry plaster with oil paint for the background. Besides this I think within the paintings there is an array of themes. My favorite one I did was when I was in a very strange depressive spell and got obsessed with the Bible and more specifically the seven deadly sins. The theme was mainly self hatred because in my self deprecating depression I saw these seven terrible things I engaged in and hated myself. I also think the idea of love or star crossed love is incredibly pervasive in my work because as a teenager growing up I didn’t ever know what I wanted and because it was subsequently such a large part of my life it got put into work. Sexuality is very large in my work as well because I myself am a particularly feminine man which is still looked on by some or many, I don’t know really, as weird and this made me want to paint about it because I felt safe in that as I have alway thought of a painting as a part of my self that I don’t have to feel the judgment like an unattached part of my mind. I also think that's what a lot of art is. It's like you're buying, if it's a good painting, a fantastical thought. I think hate and anger are very prevalent in my work because to me if anger and hate brews for too long it turns into words so I feel I have to exercise it to be free of it in my life. With this I think my idea of childhood and adulthood intermingle with hate when I paint about my father because he raised me from the second he divorced my mom when I was six not to cry not to play not to be a kid and because of this I always felt I was deprived of a childhood which makes me angry as well as hold some feeling of hatred towards my father as well as for other reasons and feelings too. At the end of the day I think that since I get so much out psychologically so to speak when I show people my art because it can be very depressive and at times furious it can really draw an interesting response from people and a lot of the time I think it studilifys people.

I’ve noticed the phrase “holier than thou” throughout your work. Can you explain the significance of that? 

The reason for this is because the second I was put into school I was miles behind the other students because I had dyslexia. I in kindergarten couldn’t read and kids could actually do the math and reading work whilst I could color and better than those kids I may add. I also experienced this in first grade when I was put in the “special class” and strangely thought it was something to hide and being embraced and was bullied because of it. I also experienced this in 2nd through 8th grade in a school that specializes with kids with Dyslexia and ADHD. I was placed there in the second grade because of my dyslexia diagnosis. The school which was called Park Century was a school for the ultra wealthy. There were poperotsy on a few occasions and one of the mothers is currently married to Jeff Bazos. The school when I came had the original heads of school which were nice and fair. After my first year they employed a new head of school, a man named Doug Pheleps who fired the only teacher I enjoyed and you could tell they started out with the right intention but the school had degraded in a means of ideology in means of building and supplies. They were better than ever as tuition was something around 50 or so thousand dollars a year as well as donations in the millions of dollars. When there I learned to read and so on but as the years went on the teachers got worse and worse and specifically catered to the children with the richest parents as I believe the school was more or less embezzling the money. I also felt for the first time like an outsider going to children's houses where they didn’t live in properties but something closer to estates houses that were kind of disgustingly big. I once had a playdate with a child whose father was in the media for multiple scandals. I also would like to add I wasn’t poor by any means but I would like to say my life in my fathers home versus my mothers was very different as my father for lack of better words stole a fair deal of money from my mother in the divorce. So with him I lived in an incredible house but with my mother I lived in a home that was small but still nice and loving and fun. This in first through fifth grade was fine because we didn’t know how nice these were because I think we thought everything was nice than in the sixth grade we realized what money was and all of the other kids started to spend their parents money and because with my mother I didn’t have the same nine figures to spend and with my dad I was never let outside of the house I started not to fit in. I tried to fit in by buying knock off and such but somehow all of those kids knew and I was bullied for that and unintentionally for being poor. I wanted nothing more than to fit in and I never could because we were cut from different cloths and I wasn’t able to make friends outside of school yet so I had no friends and was in a school who was classist which is still insane to me because I wasn’t poor I just wasn’t bewilderingly rich. The thing I hated most about both the school and the kids was they always spoke with such superiority with such confidence and unknowingly stupidity and ignorance and being backed up by their peers I started to hate them because of that. I now truly despise that trait and whenever someone says anything that is vaguely in those brackets it annoys me and truly makes me angry because it's insanity to me to say something that puts you above anyone completely. I think I can talk about myself and not the work.

You told me you’re making a film this summer. What’re your plans for that? 

The idea started as a joke where me and my friend would not buy ourselves food or sleep at home and see how long we could do it for. My friend Minnie and Sophie signed on to do filming and stills as well. A large part of the movie is our desire to film skits and make something with our behavior. We had a bunch of ideas for scenes and skits but more than anything I want to film the small stuff we do like play the license plate game or watch cartoons in the morning or cook in my underwear. I want to make something that's a perfect mirror of what I see and do and show it to other people because I think the theory of sonder is so interesting so for a period of my life a month or a week make everything aware for as many people want to watch it.

Do you feel like your art classes have helped or hindered you as an artist? 

I had one art class that really sucked in my elementary and middle school with a lady that I think was named Christina. She was the kind of lady who wouldn’t let you paint or draw or do anything without going through every step of preparation to create something bewilderingly simple. One time used tape and the second she realized it she took away the tape of my painting and my canvas and walked me out of the room and had an incredible pointed yell about respecting shared materials. Besides this I have had other classes, my favorite being with a man named David Lloyd who taught me by teaching me a technique or style and then let me employ it however I wanted. He also was incredibly nice and fun to talk to. I had classes with him when I was in the 11th grade and I think more than anything he was a father figure to me at a point and therapeutic at a certain level. I also in the class learned how to work with oil and a myriad of other techniques and skills that have progressed me. I think in a different way from my peers as I was only taught how to paint, never what to paint. I have also done pre college programs and what not but I think those were more so fun than anything else which is just as much important. I had a teacher as well who only let me do water color which was wonderful. As far as figure drawing goes I have taken classes in it as well and really enjoy it but I am technically bad because I have no comprehension of the rules for it but I do really enjoy drawing live models. More than anything though I have learned because my mother encouraged me as well as honestly critiqued me and my own natural progression and constant work that I think made me like this. I’ve had many influences and that has definitely affected me. I don't think I am completely self taught but I have learned the majority of what I know I think on my own or secondly from David Lloyd.

Who are some of your favorite artists? 

I like Giorgio de Chirico, Gustov Klimt, Larry Clark, Viola Frey, Philip Guston, Paul Mcarthy, Frank Stella, Picasso, Goya, Bacon, Stuart Davis, Brice Marden, Cindy Sherman, Richard Prince, David Sally, Man Ray, Claude Monet, Hilma af Klint, Édouard Manet, Egon Schiele, Georgia O'Keeffe, Francesco Clemente, Ivan Albright, Jean-Michel Basquiat, Anselm Kiefer, Christopher Wool, Piet Mondrian, Georg Baselitz, Piero della Francesca, Gerhard Richter, Joan Mitchell, Louise Bourgeois, Reuben Kadish, Alberto Giacometti, Bob Thompson, Tracy Emin, Max Beckman, De Kooning, Richard Bilingham, and Peter Voulkos 

Are you always in a creative mindset or does that require some preparation?

I think that making art takes a certain amount of bravery to do because it’s scary to go out into the studio and make a painting that more times than not a litany of people will see. Just as well I think certain days I am braver than others and am able to go out and make a painting or really put some work and effort into a painting. Other days when I’m less brave I find that I end up doing detail work or cleaning up aspects and never really truly adding to a painting. I find when I am less brave I can do more detail as I said so I’ll work on something like an eye. Eyes are the hardest thing for me to paint. I think the days when I am less brave I end up painting the more figurative aspects of my paintings as these things are already predetermined. I feel like I am not making something new so it’s easier for me when I am less brave going into a painting. I do think I am creative because I am making something that has never been seen before and that's what really strikes me about paintings because it’s never been made before what I am at that moment making. I also think just to come up with the idea and arrange it takes creativity as well as making what I need to arange. All and all I think that it's both.

Who or what inspires you?

I think more than anything my friends inspire me. Such as i’m making an album with my friend Jimmy which at this point is called Jimmy and Roland Lonesome Country Blues. The incredible part of this is the inspiration I get from Jimmy because of his ability which allows my imagination to truly run wild and I think along with his creative mind make covers of songs that are incredible. I think just as well I am inspired because I want to make something we can both be proud of because the idea of us making a country album is so silly and ironic that I could never make it on my own but our shared dedication to make something so strange and fabulous is what drives me to create especially with him. I also can’t play the guitar. Just as much I think the idea of being able to create something inspires me purely because I can. I think a lot of the art I create independently is just because I can. I think a lot of what drove me in the early work was to make something scary but eventually I realized to pine for someone else's horror was silly because then I get nothing out of it. I think what inspires me is making but mainly the idea that I get to get something out of me. I feel like I have coke bottles in my stomach I uncork and pour out onto canvas and getting this out is what I think inspires me because I really don’t know why I paint. I don’t mean I have no reason to feel good and I love it but there was a day 4 years ago where something turned on and I realized I want to dedicate myself to this. I have never wanted to do anything in my life more than paint and it is like a rainbow waking up every day and being able to make art but I have no idea why.

What’s your favorite art movement?

I don’t have one I really like most if not all of them but I think I have really been inspired by Neo-expressionism and especially David Sally's work in it. I also really love Impressionism and Pointillism. I also have an affinity for Metaphysical art as well as Surrealism.

What do you think of your generation? 

I hate our generation because everything within it has become style without any of the sentiment behind it. I don’t wanna pigeon hole everybody but you know from what i’ve seen it all is disquieting that the only people that give a fuck about these issues are on the majority doing it for schools or community service. I realize of course they care probably past their own selfishness but nevertheless I think at the root it's selflessness and yes there are exceptions to the rule but still. I also dislike the kids I see doing this are the ones with the great grades and so forth and never the fun ones because why does it now mean if you care you're not fun. I have one friend who cares that she's cool and fun but she cares and that's what's great about her. Besides her and my mother I can’t find anyone else with these traits. Also, constantly it's in their world to care, like having to save the earth stuff is like an emblem of being cool. I understand it but in any experience when I have asked something I have always been greeted with a very snarky tone which turns me off to it already. Maybe I'm a misanthrope but still. As well, what I started with was the sentiment behind style was dead which I find very true. I think there is something new in our midst but still I think it's more along the lines of saying “oh well” again my pros being a generalization. There’s also obviously a want to go back and the punk and hippie thing is very prevalent. Buct the ideology is dead. I’ve met kids at “punk” shows that are going to Skidmore or go to private school. I again am going to a good college and was made to go to a private elementary and middle school but still am writing this. What's depressing is the kids that suck are pretending to be into this accidently more than the kids that have crust pants on. I hate the non conformists because they are conforming to that thought process of being a nonconformist. It's awful that they think they're better than the kids pretending to care who think the same way. It's all superego that drives these people to these things and I think their id lashes out in their own way which is inwardly such as self mutilation as well as sucide which are at all time highs. I think partially this has to do with the general numbing of the youth through medication which can help and does. Still it has made many people stupid and numb. I also think what it has mainly destroyed is people's ability to have a healthy release of anger and it turns it inwardly. I also think this has made people stop actually caring because we're supposed to get angry and not do things ironically constantly or for social standings. I also think we should stop constantly trying to be positive because it's not all positive but still we have to get rid of and express the negative so we can actually be positive and live as a society that doesn’t do things because they have to.